sian-ed.

in this post i'm not gonna be very crude but i'm just stating my opinions and feelings. if you dont like what i have written.. you can just simply fuck off. lots of parts are "censored" but most of the people will get my censored parts.
please if you think i'm a bitch you can just click away the window.
if you stay on you will only get to curse me in front of your com. cause theres no tagboard.
so, too bad. [:

why do people keep saying things and dont mean it.? and i know i have done something wrong punishment dont make anything better right? o yea.. it did add-on something. that is my hatred towards you.i'm a failure. face the fact. everyone has their limitations. mine is here. i have no more motivation to keep me from going on.. this sucks. i tried my best. but, i just cant make it through?.. i'm sick of the line "you can do it. just try harder and dont give up" why dont i see you like that. oh yea.. you are good thats why. i'm lousy i have no talent.. and i give up easily..i give up on myself. what can you do? encouragement? have it ever helped before?.. showing your hypocripe-ness.. ever thought about it before?.. im rebellious. so what. i like to do stuff i like without telling a reason. why can i do that?... and they think they can control our live just by saying some stuffs?.. please use actions to show instead of just talking.. i dont trust them till they made some results..but then again.. i'm such a failure.. the whole section is already down.. and i'm still whining here? ahaha.. no one thinks about how i really feel. and why do they think by just punishment i can get better.. going late for band.. reasons like overslept are lame??? if you say my grandma fell and i took her to hospital. then i call it lame.. overslept its like its unexpect one right? unless you say you have never been late for band before.. and you know what?..the most unfair thing of all is.. that hoh.. how seniors punish a member cause they talk or done something wrong, and the seniors do it and dont punish themselves.. and you expect us to respect YOU?.. think about it. if you were the junior.. how would you feel?
i agree its hard to be the bad guy too.. but do you think punishment is really the point here.. and you told them. come band, go sectional, play instrument then go up combine, play somemore. and then go home. ISNT THAT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?! AND you still have the cheek so critic that your band life is so boring!! what the fuck? and moreover, what were we suposed to do at sectional? PRACTISE! what are we supposed to do at combine? PLAY! then what were we told to do after band? GO HOME!. what are we not supposed to do during band..
lets list them out then..

• no talking*
• no handphones
• no slouching
• no hand signals*
• no talking to other people during band.*
• cannot slack during sectional.*
  

okay.. this were what you said. notice the *s what are we supposed to do then?.. if not play.. stare into space?. oh no.. no slacking.. sleep?.. its still called slacking.. play of course!! think before you speak please..and this was the third time in band i have *-------* .. scold me weak scold me pampered i dont care though i am not pampered but i am weak. i admit. what can you do to me?.. what can you do if i stop going?.. just like daanish he can leave whenever he can.. which is so zzz..
and sometimes i think that we are just your part-timed friend.. who was always on your mine if you say friends?.. it not us right? and when have you tried to sacrifice for us?..
ahh fuck.. i dont wanna say anything anymore.. in case i offend more people.. just like that "emily" i did nothing to provoke her just that my bitchiness did the job..

thats it for now.. i know i have not been updating. but my laziness overcame me.. thats why.